You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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