Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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