My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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