if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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