i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
