Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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