After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
