I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
