we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
