Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
