They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
