you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
