he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
