i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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