For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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