Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
