Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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