Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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