she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
