this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
