Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
