so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
