i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Acid is not a monday night drug
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm like, not good at living.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
