remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
