The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
