I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
