tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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