i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
