Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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