I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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