five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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