Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize