I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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