Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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