Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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