then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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