Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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