There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
