...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
