Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
