Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
