By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
