think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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