Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
