My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
