In the future we'll all be gay
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize