Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
