hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
