glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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