y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
