I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
