wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
