Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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