farters have to be the big spoon...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
