Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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