Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
