I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
