so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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