I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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