So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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