I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
