It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
