Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
