Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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