Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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