she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
