i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize