I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
