hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize